and now i talk of honour. and duty. to explain more of myself. there are
those i hold duty to. some egotistical responsibility to help them. not do
things for them. instead of them. but make sure their life turns out alright.
help them in ways i can. all of my old girlfriends are like this. whether i
still feel i love them or not. i still have a duty to help them in any way
i can. and i know they would return the favour would i ever need anything.
friends as well. i hold certain duties too. to help them. but some of my
friends i hold higher duty to. i will help them more. sacrifice more of
myself for. these spirits. hard to explain. the more self-sufficient they
are. the less duty i hold to them. but the truly helpless. who i would have
to sacrifice my whole life toward. these i cannot help. i hold no duty. my
duty takes myself into account as well.
in this duty system i hold favours to people. and give favours to people.
those i help i expect to help me someday. if they are capable of helping.
if i need help. though i strive never to have to call in favours. a back-up.
if my life fails. those who do me favours. i become indebted to. and they
in turn can ask things of me. and this is my honour. to honour favours done
me. honour my debts. and respect others that i not take advantage of them.
this is why i cannot shoplift. sell things to people i dont believe in. in
many cases. when people give me their trust. allowing me to enter a store.
i must honour that trust. breaking it would break my honour. and unless i
feel they are not honourable enough to respect, i cannot break honour
against them. i can break laws because i cannot hold respect for most
lawmakers. police must earn my respect. i cannot give it them automatically.
but others. some others i can honour. and if someone does me a favour, i
will do them one in return. and if i do someone one, id like them to help
me or someone i would help someday in return. (though those i do favours for
i usually also have a duty to help. and would do another favour for them
before calling one in).
a strange system. but if someone takes advantage of me, they lose respect
and i have no honour for them. and i will take revenge in some way. some day.
but those who i hold honour for. i will go. seek out. help them. and i would
wish that if another were to mention my name to them. they would help them
as me. i know this doesnt explain things. but maybe it clears things up. it
is hard. if you do not understand. to know in your heart. respect. honour.
duty. and though people may laugh at me. and maybe my life would be easier
if i did not live this way. it is the way i am. and i feel it is good.