Writings...................zine

Issue Two
April 1992

What we call our destiny is truly our character, and that character can be altered. The knowledge that we are responsible for our actions and attitudes does not need to be discouraging, because it also means that we are free to change this destiny. One is not in bondage to the past which has shaped our feelings, to race, inheritance, background. All this can be altered is we have the courage to examine how it formed us. We can alter the chemistry provided we have the courage to dissect the elements.

- Anaïs Nin, her diary



my heart; myself

  split open. laid bare

  emotions spill from me

  i'm helpless to control



the wound is closing

  Emotions damped,

  I regain myself



but how deep the scar?

  how strong the poison

    is my will enough

          to see me through?



                - will coleda


14,000 Things to Be Happy About
well, for one, you haven't died in a gutter somewhere, choking on filth like the degenerate smell of rotting flesh running from this bathroom stall.

I flush the toilet...hoping to get away from that cadaverous fume!

you are a damsel in distress. I am a knight dwelling in angst.

burning my soul tore each feather out of my parakeet one by one. the ultimate in ultra-violence.

scratching the universal itch with a holographic groove.

slap me again.

tomorrow will be another day. another sunrise. another sunset. happy trails to you...until we meet again.

Oh and one last thing:

everybody dies. everyone.


Ebony Numbness

floating through an atmosphere of
ebony numbness
a coma like slumber
noises penetrate, puncture the nothingness
like an unexpected, unwelcome visitor
gravity alters, fluctuates
and the floating
becomes leaden
no longer roaming
no longer flying
the path becomes direct
pointed
motivated
until the figure collides with the earth

2:34 am
three hours
34 minutes
five seconds
before i rise for another day of
a weighted gait
heavy shoulders
anchored spirits
where there is little
(if any)
floating

only in my sleep
do i truly
explore an unguided route
through the sooting, hushed
ebony numbness

- cathy heard


Eggs don't bounce. - Dave Sim

If I err, everyone can notice it, but not if I lie. - von Goethe

Take an object.
Do something to it.
Do something else to it.

- Jasper Johns

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 1:9

I like prostitutes. There is no pretense there. They wash themselves in front of you. - Henry Miller

Never let anyone handle your cock unless it's someone you absolutely trust. - Tio Pio

Everything that is worth thinking has already been thought before; we must only try to think it again. - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

Somewhere between cleanliness and godliness lies compulsion.

Behold Ye Mortals as You Pass By
As You are now so once was I
As I am now You soon must be.
Prepare to Die And Follow Me.

- Captain Thomas Smith, died 1814


Interference

Did you ever just halt in mid-motion, forget your business and gaze into the soul of another? Standing alone, in air with a musical quality, I question whether I could connect with you like I had with him, or thought I had. I don't know what I'm attempting to say anymore. My mind travels nocturnally to a distant cemetary on a hill. I didn't dance there like another believed I had. I can't dance in the dark, not with anyone. I mourned for the lump of flesh without emotions that flitted in and out and in and out of my life again and again like acts of gang rape. I become cadaverous, and my eyes probe with the power and skill of a plastic surgeon and a lie detector combined deeper and deeper into your appearance forcing you to almost look like him, trying to find the truth he denied me. Not that he was so great. His silence and fabrications nearly pleaded for his execution at my hands. I could have done it, too, if my sanity was less scotch taped into orderliness.

I play thoughtlessly with my purple stockings and as an after thought pick up my books, tailing you to wherever you're headed. Glacing at my reflection in every window, I scrutinize my roots and debate when I'll dye my hair again. With a sigh, I decide to stop writing this story. I shut the notebook.


EXTREME:PAIN:ART:EXPERIENCE:SMELL:CREATE:
PLEASURE:SENSATIONS:DESTRUCTION:CHAOS:
CONFLICT:CONFUSION:SEX:LOVE:UNDERSTANDING:
THOUGHTS:INTERACTIONS:SLEEP:LIGHT:BEING:

a few things that make life interesting

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